La vera bellezza

What people are lacking today…

• Love
• Joy
• Peace 
• Patience
• Kindness 
• Goodness
• Faithfulness
• Gentleness
• Self-control 

It’s the last day of Fall break and I’m spending it by doing 3 large ass loads of laundry that were weeks old just so I can have clothes to wear to school. >=(

On the plus side, I have tumblr always in arms reach. :D

I can honestly say that I have never had a boyfriend.  I’ve thought long and hard about the past and it was nothing meaningful, just casual dates here and there. I’ve let people down because I tend to look at the negatives rather than the positives.  The truth is, I’m afraid.  I’m afraid of getting hurt, I’m afraid of becoming “impure” with my actions, I’m afraid of my mind being carried away by him, when there is so much more to offer me. Call me old fashioned but I truly want to save myself for marriage and not risk the emotional whiplash in my teenage years like everyone else. My problem is that I get impatient at times and beat myself down thinking that they will never come.  Patience is a virtue, my friends…   

What’s your fetish?

I have a fetish for white guys, that’s just me. A lot of people I know have their Asian fetish, so this is mine. I’m just attracted to them for some odd reason, the way how they dress, talk, and overall look just gets to me. Too bad my school only has 0.000000000001% of them.

>__>

I don’t need a dang guy to carry my bag.  I’m strong enough to support myself, thank you very much.

I love going to church on Friday nights and Sunday mornings.  It’s like a mental detoxification each time. :3

Lookin forward to tomorrow…  

People keep telling you “forget about it and just move on.”  They keep repeating it and repeating it hoping that it will fix your problem.  Truth is, they’re just reminding you of that very problem you’re trying to overcome. 

Barnes and Nobles is where all my shiz goes down.  Seriously,  some crazy ass shit  stuff happened to me over the years, but I still end up going back in the end. I remember one time I was in there and a Korean boy came up to me, introduced himself and shook my hand.  His name was Billy and he went to saint louis.  I was still young at the time so I was completely sweating bullets and wanted to get the frick out of there.  He was so nervous because his hands couldn’t stop shaking. We were talking a little bit and he brought up the subject of where I went to school. I lied and said I went to Kapolei XD.  I was afraid he could’ve stalked me or something.  We ended up exchanging numbers because it felt like the right thing to do at that time.  I pretty much ignored his texts so it ended from there.

Then there was another time when I was sitting in an aisle looking for a book when I saw a man in another section just browsing.  I don’t think he knew anyone could see him because all of a sudden he reached up in his pants and started to scratch his balls.  0_0.  I was petrified.

In more recent news, just last month I was in the bible section because I wanted to buy a miniature NIV version.  All of a sudden an old man comes up next to me.  I was kind of iffy about it but I didn’t let that affect me, I wanted my bible.  He started talking to me about God and he introduced himself.  His name was Herman and he was 69 years old.  He went on and on about God so I didn’t mind him talking to me about it.  He hugged me and said “God bless”  then left me alone.  I still didn’t find the bible I wanted so I remained there.  He came back to that section shortly after…  Then he started hitting on me.  I don’t want to get into detail.

And just yesterday (it wasn’t as bad)  I got stalked by this guy who kept eying me out. I had to power walk around the store just so I could lose him.

I was always by myself when these incidents occurred but that’s not going to change anything. I love it in Barnes and Nobles, it’s one of my favorite stores that I feel comfortable in.  I’m not going to let what happen affect me and my sanctuary. 

I hate when I’m trying to conceal my tears.  A knot it my heart begins to form and the pain gets unbearable.  My head begins to throb knowing what is causing this pain and due to the act of holding it in.  I hate vulnerability.